As most of you who know me know that I'm probably not considered the most positive person in the world. I'm the "glass half empty " type person. So this post is reflective of how I feel at the current time and probably is reflective on how I see myself. So, what triggered all this off? Maybe it's a combination of things, as most of the time it is. So let's get started at what's bothering me.
The biggest thing that I know is bothering me the most is the whole college thing. Everything that has to do with college could not be worse. I still feel sensitive when it comes to the issue of me transferring from BU to UTSA. I still feel that people look at me different now. In fact I feel that everyone looks at me different. My family and friends. It's hard for me to still talk about it with anyone. I know I say things that may pick me up like "it's for the better" or "things happen for a reason" but it doesn't mean it still lingers in my mind and hurts. Again if you know me, I'm a very pensive person and when I read my friend's blog, it made me feel like nothing.
I talked online with my friend Bill the other day and he told me about a blog he had that recorded what he's doing after college. Bill was arguably my closest friend in Boston and he graduated this past May with a degree in engineering. The time I knew he never said what he was going to do after college. He seemed to have a little interest in engineering and I even asked him if that's what he wanted to do with his life. His response was a mere "I guess." I'm giving his background because it's important that this guy just seemed like a regular, average person who had his interests but never was a genius.
So in this blog he said he found a job with an oil company where he works in the field and plans out how to drill for oil. I have no idea how he found this job. I know his dad is an egineer and I want to say his mom too. I think it's a family thing. Not a family business. Completely different business but something tells me that his parents knew people or hell, maybe he applied for it somehow. But knowing Bill, it's not a shocker that he found this weird type of job to me. Anyway, his orientation session is in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia for a week or so. Then, he's off to Edinburgh, Scotland for three months to train. Then, supposedly back to Oman where he will begin his actual job. And the time between the end of the training session in Scotland and his trip to Oman, which is like 6 months, I want to say he travels the world once again to various other places for more training. He says that it will be tons of work and that he'll be in class for 10-13 hours a day, which is crazy. But somehow, it seems fucking worth it to me and I think to him as well.
Just to give you a little insight on Bill. He's a very active and "outdoorsy" type of person. For the short time I knew him, he would always ride his bike, rollerskate, play hockey, and he loves to go hiking. I remember he went hiking in New Hampshire once and again somewhere in Georgia I think before he left on his trip to China for a summer vacation with his friends. Let me say this once again, Bill is definitely not the type of person who you see as a rich guy who just has all the money in the world to spend and I believe he doesn't. Just imagine your everyday guy going these places and doing these things. It's crazy to think that an average person can do this. I mean, he probably met friends in "high places," but I honestly doubt it. This is all I know of Bill's journey so far . . . from his hometown in ATLANTA to BOSTON for school and the surrounding NEW ENGLAND AREA for events like hiking and bike races to a summer vacation in CHINA to having an orientation session in KUALA LUMPUR, MALAYSIA to training in EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND and finally to OMAN with several different global training locations between the time from Scotland and Oman.
To a person whose grown up in San Antonio, Texas all his life and traveled the big countries in Europe for about a month and then 2 years in Boston for school, this seems CRAZY. But you're probably saying to yourself, we'll at least he's been to a couple different places in the world like Europe and Boston. I loved those times. I would love to travel the world. That's really one of my goals in life. For as long as I can remember I've always shown an interest in geography. I love to learn about new places and cultures. I'm extremely fascinated with the world and its people. And not just for vacation purposes, I mean . . . I would love to just vacation around the globe, but having a job and working in another part of the world just seems extremely appealing to me. Of course my heart lies deep in the heart of Texas and I will want to live in America for the majority of my life . . . hah, I say that now. I want to learn different languages and be able to work and communicate worldwide. I love that type of stuff. Maybe this is why I'm so envious with what I see Bill doing. I hate engineering and don't understand it one bit but to travel around the world, damn.
This should probably inspire me, and it has in some way. I now know that I want to do something like that, but somehow in the business world. I have no idea or clue how at this moment. I have not really begun my search, but I know that's what I want to do. OH, and somehow it has to do with sports. So now that we have the job search a little narrowed down, we can say that I'm looking for a job that has to do with sports business. Hmmm.....sounds fucking tough, but then again I know absolutley nothing about any of that. Hell, the only worldwide sport is football (aka "Soccer"). And I'm not even sure I know enough about that right now. Maybe, I could work with a basketball organization that sends scouts overseas. I mean, isn't that how the Spurs got hold of Manu, Tony, Beno, and possibly Luis Scola? Right now it seems like limited opportunities, but maybe there will be more than I think.
So where's the sad part of all of this?!
All my friends, everyone I know that surrounds me seems like they're going places and I feel I'm going to be complacent and end up a bum in San Antonio working at Star Furniture for the rest of my life. Just take a look. 1) Bill - Engineering around the world in Malaysia/Scotland/Oman . . . 2) Karlee - Peace Corps in South Africa . . . 3) Eugene - Banking in NYC . . . 4) Brian and John (not that I consider them my friends, but people I know) - Brian - Med School? - John - Business with Surender in NYC of all places and beyond like Rio? . . . 5) Gamboa - Med School at Brown; although insists on living in San Antonio, an education at Brown and becoming a doctor sounds like a nice paycheck and a reliable job . . . 6) Kevin - Politics in NYC . . . 7) ME - A fucking bum going backwards in life, going from BU to UTSA, behind in courses because of UTSA's stupid fucking requirements like TX History, paying for more college and being further in debt making it even tougher for him
There ya go! All my friends . . . fucking WOW! ME = PATHETIC. People will probably say that your dreams are still there in front of you and they more than likely correct. But to me, it seems that I backtracked so much I can't catch up again. Of course, I know to say that my attitude is not helping anything. And I know it's true. So why don't I just stop bitching and do something with my life.
Sometimes I look at my dad and say to myself if that's the way I will be. I think of my dad in the highest regard. His parents never gave him the opportunity to go to college and he never was able to get a college degree and he still supported my mom and me. He worked at USAA with a nice income until he got let go a year ago. Now, the job market is horrible and it's tough for someone to get a decent pay without a degree. But then I see him off of work. Sure he does household stuff here and there and he likes to ride his motorcycle on weekends. He's older and kind of slowing down in activities. So instead he watches television and that's about it. He doesn't have close friends that he regularly talks to. That may just be because he's an older person and as you get older you lose contacts with people. But I look at him and wonder if that's how I'm going to end up. And not in a bad way, but not the way I want. Am I going to be seen as a hard worker who achieves the success and is settled with that? Is my life going to plain? And that's what I'm afraid of.
I know I have to set goals for myself in order to turn my life around and I'm scared. I know that it all starts with the body. A healthy mind requires a healthy body. If I start eating healthy and exercising more often, I'll have more energy to do things and feel better about myself. I know this is where it starts. I have to get my life back on track and cover up the lost ground. These past few years after high school have been the worst years of my life, but instead of constantly reflecting on it, I can do something about it and make my life happier one to live.
